Do you need him more than he needs you?
Do you call him more than he calls you?
Do you text him more than he texts you?
Do you always need to be with him?
Are you always needing him to tell you that he loves you?
Are you always needing him to tell you that you are enough in some way or another?
Are you always seeking some type of attention from him by trying to get a reaction out of him rather it’s negative or positive?
Are you always calling him?
Are you always texting him?
Are you always stalking his social media?
Doing these things makes you seem needy and desperate to a man and it's a turn-off for him.
Ladies, you have value!
You have always had value!
You will always have value as a woman!
But a decent, healthy-minded man will never be able to see it because he won't be able to see past your wounds and insecurities!
Only match his energy!
If you are interested in him, let him (if he is a healthy-minded man) lead the temperature of the relationship which in the end is what you want, which is a leader.
Do you know why; you do what you do?
The why is important but only to a certain extent because sometimes in life, you just simply have to say…
I might not know why I do the things that I do, yet but what I do know is that what I'm doing is not working.
What I'm doing is not getting me what I want.
What I'm doing is not setting me up for success!
So, therefore, if you keep doing what you are doing, you are going to keep getting what you’ve been getting! Something has to change and the change starts with you, not with him!
Why, because you can’t change anyone, it’s hard enough to change yourself!
If you are doing this…STOP!
Stop trying to change him!
Stop begging him to change and to respect you!
Stop trying to come up with manipulating games to try to get him to do what you want, which if it works at all, it will only last for a short period of time because it wasn't what he wanted in the first place. He just got tricked into it, which will only make him resent you and lose respect for you, which is not what you want at all, if your goal is to keep him!
Men don't like to be played with, just like you don't like to be played with! Manipulation is nothing but power and control issues. Which is an attempt to try to make someone do what you want them to do.
In the spiritual world, some people say that manipulation is a form of witchcraft (even when you have good intentions).
Just something to think about!
You need to create change so that you can work on eliminating neediness and desperation from your life. The first step starts with you!
It begins with you telling yourself NO!
Say to yourself…
I'm going to make myself stop doing what I'm doing, no matter how much I don't like it, no matter how I feel about it, and no matter how uncomfortable it is!
No, I’m not going to blow up his phone because I'm feeling some type of way!
No, I’m not going to get high and/or drunk and act unladylike and vomit all of my insecurities and fears onto him through my words, which is only going to turn him off!
No, I’m not going to keep throwing Adult Temper Tantrums when I don't get my way or when he doesn’t do what I want him to do and when things don’t work out the way I had hoped!
I will figure out why I do what I do on the journey of me not doing it anymore!
I want you to love yourself enough to tell yourself the truth because you have been stuck on the why for too long and all you are doing is getting older and meaner from all the bitterness that comes from all the disappointment because you keep doing the same things but expecting different results; which is the definition of insanity.
Get that spirit of insanity off of you right now in the name of Jesus and ask Jesus to give you clarity, discernment, courage, and wisdom to do what it is that you need to do because you have had enough!
Get angry but in the right way!
Get angry but in a healthy way!
Get angry without hurting anyone!
Get angry without hurting yourself!
Get angry and use that anger for fuel to launch you towards your mental and emotional breakthrough!
Anger is not negative and bad like we were taught, it is what you do with anger that matters. Because you can use anger for mental, emotional, and physical fuel if you do it a healthy way!
You can use anger instead of letting anger use you!
You can use anger to help set you mentally and emotionally free by choosing your integrity and self-respect over your desperation that comes from the spirit of fear!
Oh, you didn't know that the spirit of fear was always lurking in the background laughing at you because you were 100% blaming yourself for why you do what you do!
Oh, you didn't know that fear was playing tricks with your thoughts; that impacted your feelings and emotions; which then controlled your choices, behaviors, and habits?
Oh yes, fear has always been gas-lighting you and since you didn’t know, you called it love.
You thought it was the spirit of love that kept you chasing behind that man for time and attention because you didn't know what you would do if that man wasn't in your life.
If you find yourself in an unhealthy relationship...
You've been blaming love on why you've been putting up with so much abuse from him.
But, what trips me out is how we ladies, don't blame love when we self-abuse, we say that it’s because we don’t love ourselves.
So, why do you call it love when he abuses you?
It’s because you will gaslight yourself and convince yourself of anything so that you can calm your spirit down and keep that man!
It’s because of the mindset of screw you, you will be alright but letting go of that man, is unthinkable to you.
Somewhere along the lines, you convinced yourself, that you were nothing without him and that is not OK with me and that should not be OK with you either!
It's time for you to take your choices and life into your own hands with Jesus's help and start stealing your power back one step at a time because...
If you can not control your thoughts; then an unhealthy, gas-lighting, abusive man will control your mind and thoughts for you!
If you can not control your words; then an unhealthy toxic player will listen to all of your words, so that he can learn how to play games with you better!
If you can not control your body then any man that tells you what you want to hear within the right circumstances can have your body.
If you can not control your vagina then men will use your vagina like their own personal garbage can. How?
Because they will tell you what you want to hear so that they can convince you to open your legs to make them happy, and then they will use your vagina to relieve their sexual frustration and break your heart all at the same time while leaving you saying BUT, I LOVE HIM!
If you can't control your choices; then someone will always be telling you what you can and can not do and then you will find yourself behind their backs saying that they are controlling but no one can’t control you, if you don't give them the controller in the first place!
You are not a (permanent) Victim; like you have convinced yourself you are!
You are not like a fish on a hook, that someone can catch you and throw you back anytime they feel like it; like you have convinced yourself you are!
You are not a piece of throw-away trash, that someone can stomp on, walk all over and when they feel like it, throw you in the trash can when they are bored; like you have convinced yourself you are.
Now yes, I am very aware that everything that you are going through right now is not your fault and yes, I know that you also love him but the choices that you decide to make are all on you.
But there is hope and I am a witness to it that the power of Jesus Christ can set you free and the Holy Spirit through Jesus Christ can come and have your back and help you get out of the situation that you are in.
All you have to do is ask for Jesus’s help and you can be set free!
You are Powerful!
You have a calling on your Life!
You have a Purpose and Destiny to fulfill and it’s not for chasing behind people for love and attention!
Someone who truly, sincerely, genuinely, loves you in a healthy way; you will never have to chase, beg, and plead for them to love and respect you!
My job is to share the truth as I have seen and experienced it which has helped me have my own breakthroughs so far in this life, against neediness and desperation that can come from having a victim mentality mindset.
My hope is to help break the mental and emotional chains off of your mindset; that has you stuck in your own personal mental and emotional hell, just like I once was also!
Ladies, let’s stop letting the spirits of fear, loneliness, and sex that can cause neediness and desperation win over your morals, values, and self-respect because if what you have is pure 100% love, then there’s no competition because that kind of love wins every time!
From Woman to Woman to Mother to Mother, you are not the only one and you are not alone!
Before, I end this article I always like to give credit to my strong, holding it down, healthy-minded, faithful, loyal men, fathers, and husbands. Thank-you, I sincerely appreciate you more than you know!
Written by a past needy and desperate woman that has been set free!
Thank you, Jesus!
As always you will hear me say,